I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
