some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
