Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
