Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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