dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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