so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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