what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
