Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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