after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
