Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
