The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
