My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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