I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
