my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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