What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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