Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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