Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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