The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
