when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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