My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
where am i from again
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
