Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
