ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
