ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize