I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
