I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
