i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I intend to get homeless drunk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
