Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
