I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
