Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
