okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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