I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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