Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
