I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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