she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
