I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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