So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
