You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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