i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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