just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
