Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
