Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
