We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize