if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
