yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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