i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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