There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
