So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
