i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
