Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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