the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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