Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
