I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
