He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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