i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
