and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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