he wants to bone in the snuggie
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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