Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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