Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
