Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize