The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
