Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
ttyl tear gas
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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