I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
