The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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