Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
