Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
