i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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