Fuck appropriateness.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
