the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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