Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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