I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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