I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
