life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
