the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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