yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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