you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
