Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
