Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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