Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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