I hate all girls vehemently.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
